Like many things, my creative patterns and endeavours have transformed over the last few months. Writing and poetry have taken lead, so my head is full of thoughts and words. My voracious appetite for books and creativity continues to leave me befuddled, urging inspiration yet overwhelming action.
Movement and distraction have impacted my creative pace and practice, too much or not enough. Reorganising required.
Time to order and collate recent musings, to catch up on my self.
May was here and then, suddenly gone.
Work resumed, though the rhythm and energy was shot. Adapting to pandemic changes was like a morphing process, initial changes happened in earnest, quickly, before we knew or realised how or what to do. Other changes came in waves, like our emotional state.
A sense of restless stillness, a bittersweet limbo settled in.
Simple daily comforts and pleasures became tainted with removed freedoms and the uncertainty of what the future might hold.
I filled my head with creative writing. Amotissé keeping my thinking wired as I searched for inspiring prompts. It was a long awaited and timely reawakening. An online poetry course through futurelearn.com re-hooked patterns of painting with words, a welcome distraction while my focus was lopsided.
Being well was hard with confused dynamics, people and places not their usual selves. Overall, people were well enough, yet anxiety seeped through the cracks, undermining positive flow and energy and resilience felt fragile like foundations after a tremor.
We never know what we’re made of until action is required.
Urgency brings out our best and worse.
Action and inaction.
An overall loss of expected movement led to a surge of unexpected movement. Balance swaying with mixed emotions and contradictions, positive and negative.
Behind the scenes these few months, my teenage twins have been home enduring lockdown with typical teenage relish!
So when the rental application was approved and the timing I hoped for happened, we were ecstatic!
Everything was quick after that. Packing, driving to the coast, signing the lease and moving them in! HUGE, EXCITING AND NERVE RACKING!
Time felt fast and slow. Things fell into place as they do.
Quicker than expected, they became free agents, the next stage or adventure begins for the three of us.
I am now a true empty nester.
I felt the emotion hit me as I waved to Artémis while the train pulled out from the station, knowing I wouldn’t see her again for months.
I’m rarely lonely, though I’ll be happy sad for awhile.
Getting ready to leave them to it.
To accept, to not ask, to let them carry their own responsibilities.
I am so excited for them.
The incredible adventure of life continues to amaze me. It bestows such blessings. I feel maternally connected yet so separate, simultaneously. They are becoming their own selves in a modern digital age, ripe with pandemic and unknown challenges.
Energy and momentum continues to shift.
I felt powerless as endings and beginnings formed around me, leaving a stunned emotional wake behind them.
As the repercussions of pandemic mayhem rippled through some of my close relationships, I’ve tried to remain as compassionately objective as I can, but mostly I’ve felt like a deer in headlights...no time to register before the impact.
And we are all impacted.
In ourselves, our interactions...
Winter sunshine has been steady and comforting. Like a lizard, I’ve been basking in it on the front porch, with pots of tea, absorbing the warmth. That has been a constant.
Bella, Batgirl and Ying have been constantcompany, keeping close by whenever I’m home and waiting patiently when I’m out.
The holidays brought welcome movement, respite and indulgence.
Sadly, the heaviness of emotional upset remains constanttoo.
Poetry has been a new constant, as writing creatively continues to spur me on. As my focus shifts, I’m lagging in other creative pursuits. Sometimes it feels like the dimness is turned down.
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For me, it seems there is not much difference between wondering and wandering. It has always helped me find inspiration. Creative dabbling is good for the soul, I couldn't imagine life without it and often surprise myself by what I come up with.