Method & madness
Anytime is a good time for a little self reflection and care.
I have often been told that I am easy going, laid back, calm - some have even told me I am too calm!
On the whole I feel pretty relaxed, so my recent realisation/awakening that I am not as cruise-y as I feel was kind of a surprise. How we feel we are isn’t necessarily the same energy that others feel from us.
Nothing new there really. How often do any of us wonder about how others perceive us or wish we could see ourselves from the outside?
How does a generally unstressed person stress?
Well, I believe in the same way I do many things, it comes in spurts.
> Beginning of school year/term is usually overwhelming until I figure out what I’m doing, then it’s just a question of improvisation and surviving the daily flow of surprises.
> time management/organisational tasks - the time it takes to find strategies that work, juggling the daily flow of jobs, parenting, STUFF. Despite being a list lover, it’s not often that everything gets done.
I am also a slow and steady paced person. I can move quickly when I have to but I like to take my time, whether it’s eating, walking, making, being. I like taking time to be in and enjoy what I’m doing, to experience life as best I can especially the little stuff.
> household chores can be a drag, (I never feel cruise-y when I have to ask the same things over and over...#life with teenagers!) though we seem to have found a system that works for the moment, fingers crossed!
I imagine having super organised work and living spaces but I haven’t got there yet so it’s quite handy not being a perfectionist!
> I’ve figured over time that I like to be in control. Not in the sense that I want to take over things. I like to be in control of my faculties, of my person, to have the ability to act and cope when needed for myself and for others, as a parent, as an educator, as a community member, as a human. Feeling helpless in a situation can be overwhelming, scary, disappointing.
So I am careful not to take on too much responsibility. Enough that I feel confident in performing well is good. I don’t want to disappoint others or myself and I can always build on this.
> Decision making can be tricky too and I have definitely stressed over it, wondering and worrying over whether I am making the right choices. Fortunately on a day to day basis it’s not much of an issue, but bigger things can take up my headspace for awhile.
Mmmm, so when I break it down like this, I hardly seem relaxed.
(Is this what Sharon and Armand (“No mum, you’re not that cruise-y”) were referring to?)
This is one of the many reasons why friends and family are important, they help us keep perspective. I have always enjoyed pondering over life, the universe and everything so taking time out to reflect and self evaluate is one of my valued rituals.
I even it all out spending my weekends indulging in lazy mornings, baking for neighbours, making crepes, reading, watching a movie and creative stuff like sewing, letter writing, bookbinding, paper making to name a few.
So I am a little bit of lots of things depending on which way the scales lean. I liken myself to being a ‘muddle headed wombat’, though once I have a plan, direction or focus, I’m okay. I work hard on motivation, it doesn’t come naturally. I have to drag myself away from comfy distractions, it’s so easy to get off task.
I am probably not unlike anyone reading this; not quite as confident as I could be, comparing myself against others and social expectations.
It’s the standard recipe for never feeling satisfied, content or happy even though we know it’s unrealistic.
Lucky for me I prefer to ponder on the positive, there is always plenty of it.
It has been a slower start overall this year with plenty of time to reflect on what I want to do, creatively and generally.
My goals feel less defined which makes the free flow less fluid, if that makes any sense!
Last year I based myself on 52 weeks. This year, 2019, will be month by month which gives me room to move.
I have made myself a monthly to do list:
It is starting to come together this month with 2 unfinished projects above completed!
I have made different attempts over the years at covering the sofa and wasn’t happy with them. I decided that sewing directly onto the existing covers would work best and it does. The foam always seems to expand when you remove the covers so I had fun squishing it back in. I just have to make a start on the other sections now.
Then there is my lovely bed canopy which I will also add extra bits to.
So nice when things come together.
For me, it seems there is not much difference between wondering and wandering. It has always helped me find inspiration. Creative dabbling is good for the soul, I couldn't imagine life without it and often surprise myself by what I come up with.