I am always seeking out new perspectives.
I have a tendency of overthinking situations and often feel like I’ve missed something, that I’m over invested, over talking, over emotional, over acting... all of which leads to me and others, feeling overwhelmed!

I listened to a meditation this week titled doing the best they can, from https://www.facebook.com/bodyandsoulretreats/  
with Kelly Hine which shared the following thoughts;

“All I know is that my life is better when I assume that people are doing their best. It keeps me out of judgment and lets me focus on what is, and not what should or could be.” ~Brené Brown

Everyone is doing the best that they can with the understanding and resources they have. Adopting this belief changes our relationship to ourselves and to others.
​
Deepak Chopra said, “People are doing the best that they can from their own level of consciousness.

This was helpful because I am living with teenagers in isolation.
I am full of assumptions, judgments, shoulds, why nots and lots of feeling disregarded and I just don’t get it!
I’m not even sure what is right or wrong anymore...does it really matter if they sleep all day, stay up or night and not help much?
Does it REALLY MATTER? And if it does, who does it matter to?
It doesn’t matter for them, it only seems to matter to me.
I’m the one letting myself be weighed down by feelings of sadness and disappointment.
I mean if we are all happier and quieter doing our own thing, it’s obviously easier and nicer for everyone.
Can I get by with minimums? Yes I can. Do I have to do everything for them? No I don’t.
Can I see the positives? Yes I can, we are all safe, sound, comfortable and as well as can be expected.
I don’t want to make excuses for laziness or a lack of consideration.
I do want to let them live and learn. As a parent that means giving the benefit of the doubt, accepting, adapting, allowing...myself as much as them! It isn’t easy but if I look through a different lens and focus on the positive, on love, on what I have, what I’m grateful for, all the rest seems obsolete.
Before too long they will fly free back into the world. They’ll get it right, make mistakes and figure it out as they go. So for now I’LL DO MY BEST to enjoy my hibernating zombie vampire teenagers in all their adolescent glory!

Here is some list fun via Pip at http://meetmeatmikes.com/30-questions-answers/

Pass it on!

30 questions and answers

1. Who are you named after?
No one

2. Last time you cried?
Last week, today?
Some recent sappy book/movie weepiness

3. Do you like your handwriting?
Sure do.

4. What is your favourite meat?
Groovy veggie chic

5. Longest relationship?
9 years

6. Do you still have your tonsils?
Yes

7. Would you bungee jump?
Nope

8. What is your favourite cereal?
Crunchy clusters

9. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off?
Yes

10. Do you think you’re strong?
Figuratively speaking...

11. Favourite ice cream?
Chocolat

12. What is the first thing you notice about a person?
Their energy

13. Football or rugby?
Neither

14. What colour trousers are you wearing?
I’m not.

15. Last thing you ate?
Mushroom and broccoli stroganoff

16. What are you listening to?
The cat purr

17. If you were a crayon, what colour would you be ?
Deep red

18. What is your favourite smell?
Rain, sandalwood, patchouli, lavender, frangipani

19. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
Nat

20. Hair colour?
Dark brown usually dyed red

21. Eye colour?
Blue

22. Favourite foods to eat?
Cheese and olives, laksa

23. Scary movies or happy endings?
Happy endings

24. Last movie you watched?
Woman at war
Sing Street

25. What colour shirt are you wearing?
A many coloured patterned dress

26. What is your favourite holiday?
Camping, road trip, exploring

27. Beer or wine?
Wine

28. Night owl or morning person?
Hoot hoot

29. If you could live anywhere, where would it be?
So many places! Though not sure if I have a forever place...

30. Favourite day of the week?
Friday...the weekend begins.

Check out more list inspiration here https://pin.it/8J6ya63

Me.
This could get carried away, there’s so much to tell!
I am a child of the 70’s and 80’s.
Love those nostalgic playlists!
I have a curious mind and love life long learning.
I’ve studied visual arts at Newcastle university majoring in fibre art/textiles, other studies include; Dip. Ed, costume for theatre, French, creative writing, Library Information and cultural services, currently - bookbinding, tarot, Auslan, meditation.

Spent a few years in Melbourne, eating baked cheese cake from Acland street St. Kinda, among other delights!
I always wanted to travel and ended up living overseas for 12 years.

I have 17 year old twins, Artemis and Armand, who recently moved to my mum’s on the Central Coast.

I teach part time in special education and am a casual at the local library.
I have 2 cats, a dog and 3 chooks.

I love mind maps, camping, walking, my groovy bicycle, road trips, books and reading, dancing, cooking when the urge takes me, poetry, nature, lists, sewing, dress ups, writing, making books and living creatively. (Ha ha, am sounding like a personal column😆)

In another life time I ran creative writing workshops in French (mind blowing!).
A favourite prompt is;

Self portrait in 3rd person. (Here’s mine, can’t wait to read yours)


She is full of hopes and dreams of places near and far.
Rarely rapid, she likes to take her time, slow, steady and surely.
She is easily distracted and overwhelmed by life...how will there ever be time to fit everything in?
She tries hard to make the most of time, though she often feels like she is whiling it away.
Sometimes she loses track of herself.
Sometimes she dances around the house.
She is a night owl, a book worm, a list maker and mind mapper, a stinky cheeese and bottomless teapot lover, a moon starer, a dandelion wish maker, a wild flower, a child of the universe.
She is full of words and poetry, exposed seams, magic and stardust.
She.
Is.

I’ve been feeling so angry this week.
The kind of anger I rarely feel.
The kind of anger that makes me feel like screaming and swearing.

If you know me, you probably understand why this is weird for me.
I am not an angry person.
I get flustered, sometimes annoyed and I rarely swear.
It was the usual scenario of one thing then other things piling on
when you are emotionally raw and vulnerable, therefore less able to cope well.

It’s hard to keep your cool and remain positive when you feel so crabby.
Then I get annoyed with myself for letting unimportant stuff get to me,
but hey, I’m human and I deserve to be treated as such...

In a situation, a world where respect is a given.
REALLY! Oh no, I’m not going down the global track.
Way too depressing, besides, in my little world
I am surrounded by respect and support.
I just lose sight occasionally and momentarily struggle to find meaning to grasp on to.

Maybe we can ponder on the possible influences of super full moons, windy days,
Crazy hot days, change of seasons or the alignment of the planets, (is Mars lightning fires
in my celestial houses...now that would explain all those hot flushes!).

In the midst of it all, I saved myself by making;
a little red dress,
carrot cake,
Crepes with maple syrup and strawberries,
Listening to The Smiths and The Church
smashed avocado on toast with poached eggs, mushrooms, asparagus and dukkah
A handful of hand bound books,
Pear, cinnamon and raspberry clafoutis

Reading, writing, mind mapping and watching episodes of a sappy series,
Though not all on the same day!

Method & madness


14/02/19
Anytime is a good time for a little self reflection and care.


I have often been told that I am easy going, laid back, calm - some have even told me I am too calm!
On the whole I feel pretty relaxed, so my recent realisation/awakening that I am not as cruise-y as I feel was kind of a surprise. How we feel we are isn’t necessarily the same energy that others feel from us.
Nothing new there really. How often do any of us wonder about how others perceive us or wish we could see ourselves from the outside?


How does a generally unstressed person stress?
Well, I believe in the same way I do many things, it comes in spurts.


> Beginning of school year/term is usually overwhelming until I figure out what I’m doing, then it’s just a question of improvisation and surviving the daily flow of surprises.


> time management/organisational tasks - the time it takes to find strategies that work, juggling the daily flow of jobs, parenting, STUFF. Despite being a list lover, it’s not often that everything gets done.
I am also a slow and steady paced person. I can move quickly when I have to but I like to take my time, whether it’s eating, walking, making, being. I like taking time to be in and enjoy what I’m doing, to experience life as best I can especially the little stuff.


> household chores can be a drag, (I never feel cruise-y when I have to ask the same things over and over...#life with teenagers!) though we seem to have found a system that works for the moment, fingers crossed!
I imagine having super organised work and living spaces but I haven’t got there yet so it’s quite handy not being a perfectionist!


> I’ve figured over time that I like to be in control. Not in the sense that I want to take over things. I like to be in control of my faculties, of my person, to have the ability to act and cope when needed for myself and for others, as a parent, as an educator, as a community member, as a human. Feeling helpless in a situation can be overwhelming, scary, disappointing.
So I am careful not to take on too much responsibility. Enough that I feel confident in performing well is good. I don’t want to disappoint others or myself and I can always build on this.


> Decision making can be tricky too and I have definitely stressed over it, wondering and worrying over whether I am making the right choices. Fortunately on a day to day basis it’s not much of an issue, but bigger things can take up my headspace for awhile.


Mmmm, so when I break it down like this, I hardly seem relaxed.
(Is this what Sharon and Armand (“No mum, you’re not that cruise-y”) were referring to?)
This is one of the many reasons why friends and family are important, they help us keep perspective. I have always enjoyed pondering over life, the universe and everything so taking time out to reflect and self evaluate is one of my valued rituals.


I even it all out spending my weekends indulging in lazy mornings, baking for neighbours, making crepes, reading, watching a movie and creative stuff like sewing, letter writing, bookbinding, paper making to name a few.


So I am a little bit of lots of things depending on which way the scales lean. I liken myself to being a ‘muddle headed wombat’, though once I have a plan, direction or focus, I’m okay. I work hard on motivation, it doesn’t come naturally. I have to drag myself away from comfy distractions, it’s so easy to get off task.
I am probably not unlike anyone reading this; not quite as confident as I could be, comparing myself against others and social expectations.
It’s the standard recipe for never feeling satisfied, content or happy even though we know it’s unrealistic.
Lucky for me I prefer to ponder on the positive, there is always plenty of it.

Week 12 has been distracted by week 11's slow behaviour stretching into the time frame, but I made the most of having extra teenagers around this weekend and after 5 years in our house, I have finally painted my bedroom walls!
The original dusty lilac was drab and dull and with the front awning covering much of the natural light, the room needed brightening up.  So with my helpful assistants, the walls are now chalkdust white and the room feels fresh and light.  When my four poster bed arrives next week it will be lush and decadant! 

We also cooked and baked and though I bake most weekends for the neighbours and the school lunches, with extra mouths more was needed. Friday afternoon at the library was quiet so I feasted my eyes and tastebuds in the cooking section and borrowed a few, (because I obviously don't have enough of my own cook books),and got inspired.
Pizzas, spanish omelette, warm greens salad, cottage cheese loaf, dhal, apple teacakes and a heartshaped chocolate cake.  All delicious, except for the missing sugar in the teacake!

This week I am working on a collaged self portrait as a sample piece for my students.  I often find it easier to make with students rather than just explain.  It offers a visual that breaks the process down into simple steps, creates a different dynamic and the creative vibe catches on easier.

I'm noticing that I have been underestimating some of my project time frames and am often starting late in the week,(hence late blog posts) which is limiting...but life is a constant juggling act!  The beginning of my week is filled up with schook work, followed by a mid-week pause, work at the library, then the weekend with family sprinkled throughout.
My weeks blend into each other and as my autoportrait sticks itself together, I am getting back on track.
The process becomes important and more interesting as I progress and I recognise and remember aspects of it that are easily forgotten when not on task or focused.  The path, the journey, not the result, is where meaning lies and learning begins.

I am solitude and stillness.
I am half full not half empty.
I am bubbles floating in the sunlight.
I am the knowing smile in the corner of a mouth.
I am not materialistic but I always want more...
I am the moving sounds of the buskers violin in the subway.
I am the crisp mountain air when you can see your breath.
I am the autumn leaves falling from the branches, stained with colour.
I am the tear of emotion rolling down a cheek.
I am...

I am beautiful
in the choices
I make
I am beautiful
in the pain and joy
these choices give me
I am beautiful
in my body
with all it's changes
and rhythms
I am beautiful
in the soft strength
of my inner core
constantly stretching
catering
for love life loss
renewal
like my skin
that I wear so
magnificently
robed with the jewels
of my story
I am simply
beautiful